the pink balloon

What is my heart beating for?

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:09:34 GMT

My heart is beating for...Tomorrow..

There's a 2pm contest on allkpop.com....

The title is "what is my heart beating for?" I wanted to join for the fun of it... N be a fangirl for once.... A good thing that happened was, because I wanted to do something different from the other enTries, I ended up learning Adobe After Effects...haha... n... I'm trying to do some rotoscoping as well.... The last I did an animation was way back when I was in LaSalle....

Anyway..... What started out as fangirl mania made me actually sit back and contemplate about my life.... What is my heart beating for? What do I live for? What am I looking for? What do I need.... I realized that I'm living for today, but my heart is beating for tomorrow.... Even though tomorrow might be hard, the uncertainty of tomorrow makes me eager, coz anything can happen... The possibilities of tomorrow is perpetually endless...

We know that tomorrow May suck... But I still have to climb the boulder, (or walk around it) n then move on... What me heart is beating for, what I long for is for the strength n courage to move on, fight on, n face another day no matter how bad it may get... Even if I don't win the contest n win an autographed cd from the georgeous boys (fangirl talking) , the time I spent reflecting n contemplating on wat my heart is beating for is priceless...

Amidst my busy schedule, 2pm made me find the time to learn a new software, n actually made me look at life from an introspective view... N yah... I'm still indulging in escapism: watching n dreaming about 2pm makes me a happier person... N it makes today a little less bitter so I can look forward to tomorrow..... :)

p/s: this is my first ever entry on the phone that my brothers n sisters bought for me.... Hee~

p.p/s: I better go to bed now.... Maybe I will watch a last mv n say gd nite to hwang chansung, jang wooyoung, lee junho, ok taecyeon, Kim junsu, nichkhun horvejkul, n park jaebeom first..... Haha. K Sri, stop it n pergi tido lah...

wishing I could ease the pain.

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:13:32 GMT

Dad's got a ear infection... because of his diabetes, it takes a longer time to heal...

I thought it was just a normal infection. but more than a week has passed. but every nite he'll wake up and will be in pain....

Mom has been taking care of him... but now mom has started coughing.... :( I think Mak is too tired.

Woke up today, mum and dad went to the polyclinic to get referral to the hospital.... was told it will take at least 2 weeks.... The painkiller the doc gave didn't really work... :(

Cleaned up the house... did Jap homework, den went to Jap class....

Went home right after.. cooked lunch for mom. Dad can't eat solids.. coz the pain is so great. :( Mom has been taking care of dad, dat she's not taking care of herself... made sure mom ate all her medicine after making her eat lunch.... did the laundry den went to meet hani for a while....

At least got some peace of mind.....

Bought dinner now am back home.... Dad's finally asleep now. I really hope it lasts..... Made sure mom took her medicine... She's stopped coughing for about half hour now. Alhamdulillah....

I hope my parents can get a peaceful sleep tonight.... I hope. I hope.

Only then I can sleep.....

heartbeat.

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:46:28 GMT

The song feels.... heavy....

The singing is dragged, delayed.... Like the composer is dreading something.

There were random off beats in the beginning. Clashes with the melody. Emphasizing the battle between the heart and mind... like what the lyrics are saying...

The strings...The choice to use a sad sounding instrument.... playing their minor chords midway through. gives a sense of sorrow... a sense of desperation, and frustration.

The song seems empty at some parts.... as though the songwriter has a question that is hanging eternally.

The sound of the heart beating as the base of the beat.... the irregular heartbeats in between..... as though portraying confusion, yet the same sound is the backbone of the song.

I like the contradiction between the harsh electronic sounds and the solemn strings... the marriage of a classical instrument, and a modern instrument, playing parts that contradicts, having sounds that contradicts, yet gives a vibe which I can feel yet I can't explain...

I liked 2pm because they consist of hot, manly, good looking, gorgeous guys.

Now I LOVE them even more because of this song. Because I am in this eternal battle between the heart and mind. and forever "stuck in this labyrinth of my head and of my heart" (if u read my blog long enough, u'll know what i'm saying through the poetry in my past entries...) .

Credits to the composer. CLEVER.

and the 2pm boys.. HOT AS EVER.

Confession of a Friend.

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:42:41 GMT

Read the lyrics.

Sigh.....

I know my place. I shall just stay quiet. Even though I have so many things to say....

Please stay true to her. And love her always... I'll always love you as a friend. That's for sure...

Thank You.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:49:06 GMT

Yesterday was one of the best birthday I ever had.

Pleasantly surprised by all the the surprises.

I was touched. Really. My students, colleagues and friends, are all very good to me.

I am a lucky girl.

Thank you... so much.

walking.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:56:15 GMT

walking.
no. plodding.
steps are heavy.
the heart, weary.

walking.
no. traipsing.
moving ahead in reluctance
empty thoughts, in abundance.

walking.
no. treading.
carelessly so
making it hurt even more.

walking.
no. scampering.
Afraid, disoriented, unhinged.
Confused, unclear, indistinct.

walking.
no running.
finding an escape.
from this labyrinth of hate.

-hasyimawaty-
22nd October 2009

I hate you

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 16:22:50 GMT

I know I WAS not a K-pop fan. (note the past tense)

But I can't seem to get this song out of my head.

Upon reading the translation, I can't seem to forget it.

Oh well...

and it kinda doesn't help that the members of the band are darn gorgeous.

and it is even harder to forget. knowing I have a thing for guys with mohawks **
(majority of the guys in the pic is sporting a hawk. argh.)

Now the song AND the image of this picture is embedded in my head....

Talk about escapism.

**writers note: all my ex-es and best guy friends have had mohawks at more than one point of time in their lives........ haha.....

ZECT

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:38:05 GMT

First and Foremost...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all Muslims out there! Maaf Zahir dan Bathin...

I haven't been updating my blog.. Been kinda busy.... Exams, Hari Raya Preparations, and Hari raya itself.... For Hari Raya photos, please do check out my facebook... coz I'm kinda lazy to update it here.. hehe.... for here... I'd just like to post...

jeng jeng jeng...... my bike. hehehe....

A tribute to Kamen Rider Kabuto.... (My favourite KR series.... hehe)

HENSHIN!

p/s: Special Thanks to Neo for spray-painting my helmet.... and Khidir for taking photos of my bike. heee ~

pineapple tarts

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:05:57 GMT

Today, as I entered the house after a super tiring day at work, I was greeted by the smell of pineapple filling that my mom is preparing for the pineapple tarts to be made in the weekend....

Somehow, the fatigue kind of lifted off a bit. My mother, no matter how tired she is, still puts a smile on her face as she greets her children, or husband when they return home. She is 60. Takes care of her grandchildren, cooks for the family, and sews our clothes for Hari Raya..... She takes good care of us.....

I envy her strength....

I love my mom....And I hope, I can be as strong as her. some day.....

For me right now, I'm just hoping.. for a better tomorrow....

Happy Teachers' Day

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:39:50 GMT

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY.

To all who have brought changes in my life.

Cikgu Hayati � My Malay teacher who encouraged me to continue writing poetry. I remembered the note she wrote for me on my last day of Secondary School� she wrote "Teruskan tarian penamu."

Cikgu Fauziah � The strict Malay teacher who taught me discipline, and Independence.

Mrs Chandra � My sec 4 form teacher who didn't scorn my decision to pursue a Polytechnic diploma when 90% of the school chose to go to a JC to take A level and have a shorter route to the local University.

My sister, Kak Long � Who drilled me in my E maths in sec 4. Who, within 3 months from Prelims to the O levels, pushed me to be able to pull my grades up from F9 to an A1. Who said to me "it is better to be a Big fish in a small pond, rather than be just be another fish in the pond". She supported me in my decision to pursue my course of study, Film, Sound and Video, in Poly. She made me promise to work hard to get a Diploma with Merit, and be the top 10% of my cohort�.. A big fish, in the small pond.

Mr. Tan Chin Boo � My class advisor in Poly. Taught me Audio Technology and Electronic Music. He believed in my abilities, and made me pursue leadership roles, even though I was among the youngest in the class.

Mr. Erik Jan Wander � My first Photography lecturer. Also taught me BW darkroom Photography, and Experimental Film. He taught me the meaning of reading the picture, rather than just seeing it. He was able to see through my photos, my emotions, and the message I want to put through. He made me believe in myself, and made me believe everyone has a story, and that each story is important. He started the love of Photography in me.

Mr. Jurgen Frenz. The German dude who taught me Multitrack Recording in Poly. He also taught me how to listen, and appreciate music in detail. The story and emotions every instrument brings. The aesthetics. The works.

Mr. Quek Boon Hui. My first band conductor in Primary School. Taught me to play the Trumpet. Made me believe in myself. Gave me, the 10 yr old who was soft-spoken and reserved at that time, my first ever Trumpet solo�. Which I played at the Great Australian Music Festival in 1995, in Brisbane, Australia. Who kindled my love for music.

To my best friend, Hani, who is also a teacher, but in a childcare center. You touch the lives of your children, and of course you've touched mine.

To the beloved "Holysticks". Uncle Ee, Big Bro J, Neo, Vince, Hocky and Riduan� I'm constantly learning from them, be it drawing, animation knowledge, or working life�.

Last but not least, to my beloved students and ex-students. As I try to teach them, I find myself learning even more. Taught me the meaning of patience and understanding.

To everyone, a very Happy Teachers' Day.

p/s: to all the students. Thanks for the Teacher's Day gift. You guys really know me. I love the gifts.

ほんとに、ありがとうございます。
Really, Thank you very much.