I haven't updated in a while.. well..

HELLO 2010!!!!

I hope 2010 will be a blast. at this point of time.. the thing I'm looking forward to the most is..... my JAPAN trip in March.. Yeah I know... I still have to go through January and February... and half of march.... but.... Time flies when u have work to do right....

This was taken just now. Hani and I, went to the library to research to plan our itinerary for the trip. :P

My heart is beating for...Tomorrow..

There's a 2pm contest on allkpop.com....

The title is "what is my heart beating for?" I wanted to join for the fun of it... N be a fangirl for once.... A good thing that happened was, because I wanted to do something different from the other enTries, I ended up learning Adobe After Effects...haha... n... I'm trying to do some rotoscoping as well.... The last I did an animation was way back when I was in LaSalle....

Anyway..... What started out as fangirl mania made me actually sit back and contemplate about my life.... What is my heart beating for? What do I live for? What am I looking for? What do I need.... I realized that I'm living for today, but my heart is beating for tomorrow.... Even though tomorrow might be hard, the uncertainty of tomorrow makes me eager, coz anything can happen... The possibilities of tomorrow is perpetually endless...

We know that tomorrow May suck... But I still have to climb the boulder, (or walk around it) n then move on... What me heart is beating for, what I long for is for the strength n courage to move on, fight on, n face another day no matter how bad it may get... Even if I don't win the contest n win an autographed cd from the georgeous boys (fangirl talking) , the time I spent reflecting n contemplating on wat my heart is beating for is priceless...

Amidst my busy schedule, 2pm made me find the time to learn a new software, n actually made me look at life from an introspective view... N yah... I'm still indulging in escapism: watching n dreaming about 2pm makes me a happier person... N it makes today a little less bitter so I can look forward to tomorrow..... :)

p/s: this is my first ever entry on the phone that my brothers n sisters bought for me.... Hee~

p.p/s: I better go to bed now.... Maybe I will watch a last mv n say gd nite to hwang chansung, jang wooyoung, lee junho, ok taecyeon, Kim junsu, nichkhun horvejkul, n park jaebeom first..... Haha. K Sri, stop it n pergi tido lah...

Dad's got a ear infection... because of his diabetes, it takes a longer time to heal...

I thought it was just a normal infection. but more than a week has passed. but every nite he'll wake up and will be in pain....

Mom has been taking care of him... but now mom has started coughing.... :( I think Mak is too tired.

Woke up today, mum and dad went to the polyclinic to get referral to the hospital.... was told it will take at least 2 weeks.... The painkiller the doc gave didn't really work... :(

Cleaned up the house... did Jap homework, den went to Jap class....

Went home right after.. cooked lunch for mom. Dad can't eat solids.. coz the pain is so great. :( Mom has been taking care of dad, dat she's not taking care of herself... made sure mom ate all her medicine after making her eat lunch.... did the laundry den went to meet hani for a while....

At least got some peace of mind.....

Bought dinner now am back home.... Dad's finally asleep now. I really hope it lasts..... Made sure mom took her medicine... She's stopped coughing for about half hour now. Alhamdulillah....

I hope my parents can get a peaceful sleep tonight.... I hope. I hope.

Only then I can sleep.....

The song feels.... heavy....

The singing is dragged, delayed.... Like the composer is dreading something.

There were random off beats in the beginning. Clashes with the melody. Emphasizing the battle between the heart and mind... like what the lyrics are saying...

The strings...The choice to use a sad sounding instrument.... playing their minor chords midway through. gives a sense of sorrow... a sense of desperation, and frustration.

The song seems empty at some parts.... as though the songwriter has a question that is hanging eternally.

The sound of the heart beating as the base of the beat.... the irregular heartbeats in between..... as though portraying confusion, yet the same sound is the backbone of the song.

I like the contradiction between the harsh electronic sounds and the solemn strings... the marriage of a classical instrument, and a modern instrument, playing parts that contradicts, having sounds that contradicts, yet gives a vibe which I can feel yet I can't explain...

I liked 2pm because they consist of hot, manly, good looking, gorgeous guys.

Now I LOVE them even more because of this song. Because I am in this eternal battle between the heart and mind. and forever "stuck in this labyrinth of my head and of my heart" (if u read my blog long enough, u'll know what i'm saying through the poetry in my past entries...) .

Credits to the composer. CLEVER.

and the 2pm boys.. HOT AS EVER.

Read the lyrics.

Sigh.....




I know my place. I shall just stay quiet. Even though I have so many things to say....

Please stay true to her. And love her always... I'll always love you as a friend. That's for sure...

Yesterday was one of the best birthday I ever had.

Pleasantly surprised by all the the surprises.

I was touched. Really. My students, colleagues and friends, are all very good to me.

I am a lucky girl.

Thank you... so much.

walking.
no. plodding.
steps are heavy.
the heart, weary.

walking.
no. traipsing.
moving ahead in reluctance
empty thoughts, in abundance.

walking.
no. treading.
carelessly so
making it hurt even more.

walking.
no. scampering.
Afraid, disoriented, unhinged.
Confused, unclear, indistinct.

walking.
no running.
finding an escape.
from this labyrinth of hate.


-hasyimawaty-
22nd October 2009

I know I WAS not a K-pop fan. (note the past tense)

But I can't seem to get this song out of my head.

Upon reading the translation, I can't seem to forget it.

Oh well...






and it kinda doesn't help that the members of the band are darn gorgeous.

and it is even harder to forget. knowing I have a thing for guys with mohawks **
(majority of the guys in the pic is sporting a hawk. argh.)

Now the song AND the image of this picture is embedded in my head....

Talk about escapism.


**writers note: all my ex-es and best guy friends have had mohawks at more than one point of time in their lives........ haha.....

Today, as I entered the house after a super tiring day at work, I was greeted by the smell of pineapple filling that my mom is preparing for the pineapple tarts to be made in the weekend....

Somehow, the fatigue kind of lifted off a bit. My mother, no matter how tired she is, still puts a smile on her face as she greets her children, or husband when they return home. She is 60. Takes care of her grandchildren, cooks for the family, and sews our clothes for Hari Raya..... She takes good care of us.....

I envy her strength....

I love my mom....And I hope, I can be as strong as her. some day.....



For me right now, I'm just hoping.. for a better tomorrow....